The Kids aren’t Here

Our family includes many teachers, most in public school. Our kids have attended public schools, parochial schools, private schools, been homeschooled. Homework and talking about school happens at the kitchen table, in the car, while raking leaves.

It was a surprise that a school system where I have volunteered is struggling with absenteeism of 32 to 50 percent . And that reflects the national pattern of over 8 million U.S. students missing nearly a month of school each year. At this rural school there is poverty, students are widely disbursed, transportation options are limited. There are stories about kids needed at home to help care for siblings or other family members. Anxiety or bullying issues make attendance difficult.

In general, some parents feel schools don’t meet their kids’ needs. Some parents find the public education system to be monolithic in protecting traditional, seats in the chairs methods when other models exist. A teacher I respect told me that the process of pushing bright, unorthodox kids to adjust to rules that are necessary for control in classrooms of 28 students is sad, but ultimately prepares everyone for living in the real world.

School representatives cite anecdotal reasons for kids’ absenteeism. There may not be a ride available if a bus is missed. A doctor’s appointment can be an hour drive from school. Parents don’t feel their kids miss much if they stay home. The family needs to be away to care for relatives. A child is needed to care for younger or older relatives. The parents plan an extended vacation. Some claim to intermittently homeschool. A child is being bullied and administration is not responsive. A child suffers from mental health issues with no help during the school day. Travel for extracurricular activities eats up hours. When bad grades start, kids know they’re bound for summer school and give up.

Across the larger education sector, how does a child miss 30 days of school without prompting a remedial plan? How does a school system support learning in one-third to one-half of their enrolled students who are not present? What do students need to learn today and how is that delivered? So much money and so much policy maintain traditional archetypes when other societal archetypes are adapting or falling aside.

Schools are not unlike trains running on tracks installed a hundred years ago. There are reasons old rail beds have become hiking and biking trails. Like other social systems, the pathways to completing an education relevant now, and in the future, have changed.  School buildings, curriculum, teacher preparation systems, and teaching methods need dramatic review and overhaul. Fewer test scores, more involvement in the big world.

The question is not where are the kids, but how can we be sure there are good reasons for them to be here?

The Written iPhone Contract Is For Me – Not the Kids

Antonio and Crystel started asking for an iPhone when they entered middle school. Having a flip phone was not cool.

Jody and I made a deal with them. If they would get on the A/B honor roll for the entire school year they could have an iPhone.

This verbal contract didn’t alleviate my job as a parent in knowing what their grades were. Facebook became second to SchoolView where I would check their grades and learn of any missing work.

An M for missing homework was totally unacceptable. I let them know that an M meant that MOM would come to their classroom and sit next to them. I made good on that promise on three occasions during the school year for both middle-schoolers. I totally enjoyed the experience.

It was amazing to me how Antonio and Crystel would skate a B- seemingly oblivious to the fact that it could drop to a C+ at any time.

I mean, an iPhone was on the hook here.

For three quarters both made the A/B honor roll by a slim margin.

Mid-May, I was concerned that they might not make it the last quarter.

That’s when I realized that the iPhone contract was for me. Would a C+ end up being acceptable? Would we get them an iPhone anyway?

At this point, I wrote the verbal contract and had them sign it. I had to make it clear to myself that there would be no iPhone if they missed the honor roll.

After receiving the grades in the mail, I wrote another contract.

The first rule: I need to receive A’s and B’s in seventh grade to keep my iPhone. Any quarter that I don’t make the A/B honor roll I will lose my iPhone privileges until I am back on the honor roll.

I anticipate an M or two and am envisioning sitting next to two seventh graders at some point during the coming school year. The threat of that is even better than a contract.

And, just in case, we’ve kept the flip phones.

 

Middle School Dances Are Not Just For Kids

They are for adults, too.

It’s my reward for living with two squalling 10 month olds who I swore would always be 10 months old. I could not see the day that I would be standing with the two of them at their first middle school dance.

Middle school dances are also for the adults who volunteered in kindergarten and all through elementary. These same kids that we chaperoned on the apple orchard field trip and to Wood Lake Nature Center are now looking at each other with different eyes. And, if we are lucky enough, we’ll be able to discern who is looking at who.

Antonio showing his ID and getting his bracelet.

Middle school dances are also for adults who volunteered in the community as Cub Scout and Brownie leaders, supervised playdates to Edinborough Park, Children’s museum, and the Children’s theatre. All these places that our children are too old to go to now (almost).

It’s our due to see their faces clean, to watch them carefully choose their clothes even if it’s their favorite black hoodie.

Middle School dances are also for adults who never went to a dance in middle school or high school. You can pretend that you’re supervising the dance floor when really, all you are doing, is checking it out.

Yah, she’s kidding. Crystel loves me at her dance.

If you are a Police Reserve Officer you can roam the halls with the middle-schoolers, duck into the karaoke room, the Wii dance room, the gymnasium with the four different inflatables, or stop and watch the donut eating contest.

Then go back to the dance floor.

Middle school dances aren’t for standing in one place.

They’re for watching, observing, and hanging out.

And, if you’re fortunate like I was, those same Cub Scouts and those same kids you chaperoned will smile and say, “Hi.” And, though you are much older, you’ll remember their name. And, let them use your cell phone to call their grandma to pick them up.

Antonio with friends

And, you’ll be asking your own kids about the kids who didn’t come.

Cause it was so much fun.